CALM. CLEAR. CONFIDENT.
“Never underestimate the power of an insight… Sometimes an insight is worth all your previous experiences in life put together.” – Sydney Banks, founder, The Three Principles
After being introduced to the Three Principles, I came to understand that we are informed and guided by Wisdom and don’t have to worry so much about things working out. They always do.
I was asked the question in response to a question I had asked about how to deal with emotions that can have me feel so uncomfortable I feel panic. In the moment between considering her question and my response, something went ‘thunk’. I freely...
You have to figure out everything yourself. You have access to inner wisdom, insight, intuition and gut reactions that guide your thoughts and decisions.
We can hang on to thoughts about past experiences, or let them go.
Wanting to and deciding to are somewhat different. You might want to for a long time but once you decide begin.
Impostor Syndrome is a case of mistaken identity – someone who thinks they are something other than they are.
You don’t have to think so hard to solve a problem. Try not thinking about it and let the answer come to you.
Can you settle for pretty good or do you strive for perfection?
Neuroeconomics, a new field of brain research shows that stress negatively impacts decisions.
Anyone who has assembled a jigsaw puzzle knows the necessity of having the picture at hand to refer to. I am working on one now and was reminded of the importance of keeping a vision or goal top of mind so as to work purposefully. Just like a...
Research indicates that 70% of people experience Impostor feelings at some point or another.
Karla (name changed for confidentiality) approached me about helping her overcome her fear of public speaking. Already a successful professional, she wanted to start her own business and needed to be able to network, give presentations and answer...
There are many myths about the nature and value of stress. Here are three to consider – maybe stress is an option.
If you are looking for answers or want to know your next step, try not trying and let the answers come to you.
“Setting goals is the first step to turning the invisible into visible”.– Tony Robbins This all sounds well and good, and simple, but it isn’t – there are the issues of goal ‘ambivalence” and goal ‘trauma’. In her book Tapping into Wealth,...
A dictionary definition of self confidence is “a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities”. This would suggest that confidence is not reliant on outside approval and validation but rather on belief...
5 Signs You May Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome In his article, The Dangers of Feeling Like a Fake, Leadership Professor Manfred F. R. Kets de Vries writes “Individuals who feel like impostors can be found at all levels of an organization. The...
5 Indicators You May Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome Are you struggling to realize your success as a business owner / entrepreneur? You have talent, the will and the gumption to strike out on your own and make your mark on the world, however, you...
5 Signs That You May Be Experiencing Impostor Syndrome You know how it is, people are always telling you how accomplished and successful you are. You listen but you don’t really believe them. Even though you are seen as a high-achiever, you...
Self-doubt: the Selfish Saboteur. You may have experienced it. Read one to learn more about Self-Doubt: The Selfish Saboteur You came up with an exciting idea and then begin to back pedal and retreat from itYou frequently impose on others to...
Four Ways to Be At Peace When Stuff Happens I was getting very frustrated about how long it was taking for my laptop to boot up after I turn it on. At my wits end, I “Googled” how to speed it up. I found a suggestion to “adjust start-up...
5 Strategies To Help You Get What You Want I am re-reading Michael Talbot’s Book, The Holographic Universe, for the third time. When I re-read it, it feels like a new edition with concepts I have not noticed or understood in quite the same way...
You know how you can go along with some things for a time which seem ‘okay’, at least bearable, someone’s performance is ‘good enough’ or your own level of fulfillment is ‘adequate”? And then something happens out of the blue and all of a sudden,...
Techniques and Strategies to Reset Your Mindset When we find ourselves in a rut, rowing in circles, unfocused, stuck in neutral or sliding backwards and experiencing frustration, fear, even panic, there are some techniques and strategies that can...
Steps to Turning Your Thoughts Around I attended an online webinar with coach Stacy Berger (www.staceyberger.ca). She provided a compelling step-by-step approach to address, even turn around, a distressing situation. I added some additional ideas...
Looking Professional for Online Meetings As so many meetings are moving online, I have created six tips for looking professional in online meetings. Here are six tips to ‘looking good’ for your calls on Zoom, Facetime, Skype, etc. Work Appropriate...
How to Stay Connected While We are Isolated If you are wondering how to stay connected while we are all isolated, and are ready for a little lightheartedness in the midst of the unfolding news about the Coronavirus, I heard this clever and catchy...
Wish You’d Known That Sooner? Do you wish you'd known that sooner? I hear this all the time – from my clients, from other women in business and I even hear myself thinking it out loud. “I wish I had known that sooner, had more confidence sooner,...
How to Change a Habit Ever wondered how to change a habit? In Gretchen Rubin’s book Better than Before: Mastering the Habits of our Everyday Lives, she states “From my observation, habits in four areas do most to boost feelings of self-control,...
Questions are the Answer I was intrigued by the book - Questions are the Answer. Author, Hal Gregersen, is Executive Director of the MIT Leadership Centre and senior lecturer in leadership ship and innovation at the MIT Sloan School of...
Something every women can do is take ownership of her own internal self-inflicted biases. This means committing to becoming more self-aware of one’s own unconscious negative beliefs and assumptions that can undermine confidence, a sense of belonging and perception of value.
You are driving home from the office and feeling frustrated about a meeting earlier that day. You may attribute your frustration to the meeting but the truth is, the meeting is over and no longer exists. What you are experiencing is your reaction to your thinking about the meeting.
If you feel plagued with things that happened that you just can’t seem to let go, here are three steps to understanding how you can be free of them.
If you unknowingly want a certain amount of money in order to feel safe, good enough, free or to prove something to someone, you create bigger unrealistic expectations that can bring more devastating lows as you work towards your money goals.
You have an emotional relationship with money based on what you learned about money growing up, your own experience with money (gains and losses), what you believe about money and how your feel with money.
Distressing emotions come from distressing thoughts, happy emotions come from happy thoughts. You can’t control the thoughts you think, any more than you can control our breath for any length of time but there are ways to mitigate the runaway emotions.
With humans, however, it never seems to be a straightforward endeavor. For some reason most of us need to struggle, fail and flail about on the way to discovering how we were meant to share out talents and gifts with the world. Why?
Dragons are not to be slayed because they are aspects of you. When you face them and bring them alongside you benefit from their fierceness and power. What if you had that boldness working for you? Rather like training a horse to ride so that you can use it’s speed and energy to go farther, faster.
What if you could make decisions of all kinds from the framework of straightforward preferred choices? You prefer coffee over tea, you prefer interesting work over tedious tasks, you prefer thoughtful people over inconsiderate people. Effortless, simple and freeing.
Are you using your intuition to guide you in making important decisions? Hopefully so.
Could you use the observation as an opportunity and ask yourself “I wonder how I could see myself as self-assured?” “What is it that has her appear confident to me?” What can I learn from him about myself?”
Over time we begin to have our own verdicts about success and failure and to develop concern about how others view our achievements or blunders. These judgments step in as barriers that get in the way of taking risks and trying new things.
You could be the one pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone or it might be circumstances doing it for you. Either way your belief in yourself and your abilities has a tendency to skip out of the picture leaving you doubting, procrastinating and second-guessing yourself.
The major difference between an anxious and confident speaker is that the anxious speaker is focused on themselves (their nervousness, their fears, their potential mistakes) while a confident person is focused on the audience and what he or she can do for them.
Now imagine telling your three-year old all the things that are wrong with him or her. All the ways the three-year old you has not met expectations, disappointed, made mistakes, missed the mark. Does the adult you feel like a meanie?
In the end, the most trustworthy and reliable source of confidence is you.
Seven Things that Undermine Your Natural Confidence:
Dear (first name),
In preparation for the upcoming Lunch and Learn on Friday, April 12th, I identified seven things that can undermine natural confidence. You may have come to believe that you need to do something in order to gain or grow your confidence, however, the truth is, you are already confident. Nevertheless, there are common thoughts that destabilise that confidence.
When you recognize the underlying beliefs (which are generally not true), those ideas no longer sabotage your natural capacity to feel self-assured and trust in yourself. You are able to see and accept things the way they are, not how you want or need them to be. You can see the truth of who you are – an intelligent, resourceful person doing your best with the information you have in each moment. You begin to understand that on a spiritual level, there is nothing wrong, everything is unfolding as is for reasons you many not yet comprehend.
Here is Thing One.
Thinking You Need to Be Special
Growing up, you may have been told that you were special, and you absolutely were in the eyes of loving parents. You may have been praised for being cute, precocious and clever. These messages may have had you come to believe that being special meant you were safe, loved and accepted by those you depended on for care.
Perhaps you came to understand that if you excelled in anything – school, sports, art, music – your achievements garnered praise and recognition from others. You learned to please, perform and perfect as a way to guarantee continued appreciation for who you were.
However, current research suggests that the number one cause of anxiety and depression among young people is the belief that they need not only to be special but to be exceptional. Pressure is exerted to get the best marks, get into the best schools, play on the best teams, have the best clothes, friends, etc. These pressures exert a lot of stress and expectations.
What if it was okay to be ordinary? This does not mean that you are not unique, with your own distinctive combination of talent, strengths, intelligences, it means it is okay to be all you are and no more. What would that do for your self-esteem?
Join us for the upcoming Lunch and Learn to further explore your Natural Confidence.
To Your Freedom and Success,
Current research suggests that the number one cause of anxiety and depression among young people is the belief that they need not only to be special but to be exceptional.
Social psychologist Amy Cuddy’s research shows that two traits, trustworthiness and confidence, account for 80 to 90 percent of first impressions. Why are first impressions so important? “First impressions matter when you want to build a lasting trust,”
During a recent CBC radio talk show on Impostor Syndrome, a woman called in to say that after some deep personal inquiry work surrounding her own impostor feelings, she came to realize: ”I am good at what I do and I can allow myself to acknowledge that I am worthy of being good”.
You may have learned that thoughts are generated from your brain. This is not technically accurate. Your brain works more like a transmitter and receiver, conveying random thoughts from the subconscious mind, the collective consciousness we call...
I was speaking with one of my coaches yesterday about my struggle to find the ideal name for my new signature coaching program. We were using Emotional Freedom Techniques to release my angst and when we came to the phrase, 'good enough'.... I...
In Supercoach’ Michael Neill’s book – Creating the Impossible, he provides parameters for taking on your impossible project and differentiates it from something you should, could or ought to do. I believe that often we talk ourselves out of what we really want because we believe we might fail. What if it did not matter?
What makes Impostor Syndrome a silent saboteur is that it often goes unrecognized and undiagnosed, even if someone is working with a therapist or coach. Impostor traits may present as chronic anxiety, low self-worth, perfectionism, fear of failure, abrasive personality or difficulties with working collaboratively. The way through? We live in a thought-related experience of reality. Fortunately we can learn to differentiate thoughts and become mindful of those that undermine confidence and worth.
“I used to think that genius was the speed of the computer (the brain) and storage capacity (the mind). It’s not. True genius is new thought. Everybody has the capacity for genius in that sense. It is possible to get quiet enough to have new thought. It is possible to access your genius in a way that takes less work, not more and minimize the energy required to research, analyse or calculate. You can use your own innate wisdom to inspire and guide you.
A number of years ago, I attended Science of Mind courses offered through the Centre for Positive Living. From time to time we completed an exercise of writing down a total of 100 goals divided into three separate columns under the headings, Be, Do and Have. We repeated this assignment approximately 6 times over the three years – to document our then-current 100 combined Be, Do, Have goals. When setting your Have and Do goals and resolutions this year, I suggest you include some Being states too. These elevated ways of being ultimately lead to greater abundance, health and happiness.